Well as it turns out, plenty of other people have already had this same idea. But I went ahead and recorded my observations anyway, because if you currently attend or are planning on attending college, you'll likely run into many of these same people. Don't say I didn't warn you!
1). The Party Guy - This guy thinks of himself as a "beer connoisseur" rather than "alcoholic." He's got the standard red Solo cup in his hand every time you see him. The Party Guy can talk for hours about why Beer X is better than Beer Y, in spite of the fact that any beer that's 75 cents a can is going to taste like piss regardless. When he's sober, he loves to talk about going to the lake and the dirt bike he used to have. He will drop out within the first year to work for his uncle's construction company and to help fund his growing collection of tattoos.
2). The Educrat - This person has made a career out of being a student. They have managed to make it to age 25 without having a real job and have no idea about the real world outside of what they've heard in lecture. They get high grades in challenging subjects like physics and math, yet struggle with simple tasks like bike locks, making coffee, and safe driving. They have been taught what to think, not how to think. Know everything but understand nothing. These people make great Teachers' Assistants.
3). Facebook Girl - She spends the entire lecture staring at her laptop and playing Farm Town. Although she never turns in a single assignment or takes notes, she finishes the semester a full grade above you because she kicks ass at tests. She's kind of hot in a girl-next-door sort of way. She has the shortest shorts and the biggest Macbook.
4). Sorority Girl - This gal is often seen walking around campus with her crew of recently-inducted members of a Sorority. They all sport matching Greek shirts atop their Baby Doll figures. She's not too good with computers but has a cell phone with a full keyboard for rapid-fire text messaging her friends about going out for drinks this weekend. Girls night out whooooo! She has never been seen finishing an entire plate of food.
5). Abercrombie Guy - It's the first day of class and he already knows the instructor on a first-name basis because his older brother had the same class a few years ago. You thought this kind of thing was over once you finished high school, but the reality is that it just gets worse. Abercrombie Guy is on the basketball team and often misses class because of away games. This sucks for you because he's on your team for the semester project and he actually asked you if PowerPoint was "the program with the slides." He spends every lecture playing "Breakout" on his BlackBerry.
6). The Freshman - This recent high school graduate has just started a four year paid vacation courtesy of mom and dad. The Freshman's parents have provided him with a room at the expensive new dorms, the deluxe meal plan, a brand new bike or car, and a new laptop that he got for a graduation present. This guy does not appreciate how good he has it and has the nerve to complain about getting up for a 10am class - and he lives on campus!
7). The Lifetime Achiever - This 47 year old parent of two completed their Associates degree when you were in kindergarten. They joined the rat race and started a family. Now that the nest is empty and they need a bachelor's degree to advance their career, they are back in the classroom. The Lifetime Achiever is equipped for success with their microcassette recorder and rolling backpack. They arrive 15 minutes early to class and constantly interrupt the lecture every five minutes to ask the instructor for clarification or to repeat something. They are very politically informed and take every opportunity to engage the class in discussion - but only if you agree with them.
8). The Phantom Classmate - He wasn't there for the first day of class, but he did make an appearance the first week asking around for an extra copy of the syllabus. Every now and then he misses a couple of weeks worth of lectures. The Phantom Classmate will show up randomly throughout the semester, never bringing more than the clothes on their back. The other students don't even know this person's name. The last you'll ever see them is on the day before an exam, whispering to the instructor about a withdrawal slip.
9). The Average Guy - The Average Guy is often seen shuffling to class in his basketball shorts and flip flops. He is always up to date on the newest movies and professional sports scores. He watches ESPN and listens to modern rock on his iPod. He drinks a little but is not a hardcore party animal like The Party Guy. You can't really figure out what he's into. The Average Guy doesn't seem to have any passion or zest in his life beyond lust for consumer products and brands, but he can talk for hours about which cell phone company has the best service. He passes his courses but doesn't ever absorb anything.
10). The Overachiever - Look no further than the quiet girl in the front row to find the Overachiever among you. This girl is majoring in Biochemistry and minoring in Early Childhood Development at the same time with a 3.5 GPA, but is thinking of switching to Nursing. She's taking 21 credit hours this semester, but only because the enrollment advisor wouldn't let her take more. You can almost see the crushing student loan debts reflected in her thousand yard stare during lecture. Don't bother asking her out for pizza because she's always busy studying. She has no life outside of school and will be filled with regret when she has her Masters degree at 25 and not a single happy memory of the last eight years.
I'm definitely not the only one who feels this way:
https://web.archive.org/web/20100710051537/http://www.thefifthyear.com/2009/02/the-college-stereotypes/
http://collegecandy.com/2009/08/11/the-10-types-of-freshmen-youll-meet-on-campus/
http://jamoker.wordpress.com/2006/12/13/a-summary-of-the-people-you-meet-in-college/
https://web.archive.org/web/20130805031216/http://www.thesangfroid.com/2009/07/30/the-10-types-of-people-you-meet-in-college/
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